I’ve been living on my wits since 2008, the last time I had an employer. I was on a graduate scheme at a large accountancy firm in London - working a 9-5 in an office, commuting an hour each way from Slough. I’ve just rediscovered a self-appraisal from early that year, a time before I decided to leave. I still thought I’d qualify as an accountant, make partner and live happily ever after.

Sometimes I feel that I haven’t achieved anything much so far in terms of a career. But re-reading this appraisal has reminded me that I now work on my own terms. I can have as many post-it notes as I like. And I can leave out the trademark when I write post-it and not worry. I can have one, two or, fuck it, even three pot plants on my desk. In short, I fixed it all - and my employer wasn’t part of the solution.

Here are some of my responses on the appraisal:

Career Progression

I look around the department and feel depressed. There is no colour, no personality and no feeling. The walls are white and bare, tall white dividers cut across every row of desks. Post-its are banned, desks are to be clear and the sun is banished by blinds the moment it breaks through. The only colour comes from four pot plants, the odd rebel post-it note and some profitability pie charts. Functional is the most apt word to describe the environment. Spending on social events is virtually non-existent.

Day-to-day work is largely administrative - my job title is administrator and this accurately reflects the work that I carry out. It is a mixture of data entry, purchase ledger, secretary, and to an extent, data analyst. There is no problem solving and very little communication; I would estimate I spend over 90% of the day in silence. The various parts of the role, when looked at broadly, are of interest and could be challenging, but the actual work involved is not. As an example I would point to the realisation of assets: One role on a job is to realise the assets in the most beneficial way possible, which should require some thinking and could be thought of as a distinct project. The tasks involved, however, are roughly as follows: instruct an agent (manager has telephone conversation, I draft a letter), receive a valuation, decide on offers (manager has telephone conversation/emails), receive cheque (fill in form), receive agent’s invoice (fill in cheque req, draft covering letter). Though there may be variation, as with most areas, my activity is made up of writing letters and filling in forms.

Motivation

I feel that my motivation is bipolar. I am extremely motivated by work that interests or challenges me, by the industry and by thinking creatively to solve problems. I am not motivated by much of my day-to-day work. I am an innovator by nature and I find it difficult to work in an environment where innovation and efficient practices are not really used. Our fees largely depend on time spent, so there is little incentive to streamline our processes, move towards efficiency or develop new methods of working. I am motivated to solve problems and make improvements, neither of which is an area of this role.

Drive

I am driven to be the best at what I do and to show my capability. I know I am able and that I can achieve positive results. I find this drive to be a hindrance as I want to learn quickly and progress to a role which is more suited to my ability. I do not feel pushed to succeed, in fact I feel that I am held back. I fully appreciate that there are good reasons for this and that there is a well-ordered hierarchy which is largely based on a steady progression rather than a pure meritocracy.

Resilience

I do not feel that I have a problem with resilience in this role, though I often leave work demoralised. My time keeping has suffered as a result.

I was unhappy.

One day I flipped a coin. Heads - I hand in my notice. Tails - I stay. It was heads. I was gone two weeks later.

Does this sound like your day? Are you are skilled and without huge commitments? Flip a coin tomorrow morning. You’ll know the answer before it even lands.